Tuesday, October 4, 2016
To anyone who actually still reads this old thing, hello and thank you for your constant support. :) At least there's someone reading about my crazy thoughts.
From the month of July till October, I was involved in the production of a stage play called Esther. It is about a young woman who saves the people in her city by making tough choices that she struggles to make.
A lot of things happened throughout these 4 months. My body was very tired due to the long distances I had to drive. Work was alarmingly delayed. So much to work on, so little time. My students misbehaved, and I just felt like giving up. I felt like... eh, these people need to fend for themselves. I don't want to work on them anymore. I wanted to give up, at one point.
One of the characters in the play, Jeho (played by my good friend Daniel Ch'ng) said this memorable quote,
‘Too many people today live by convenience rather than their convictions. They would rather not get involved in bringing change, even when it is within their power to do so.’
Man, that hit me like a truck. Boomz.
I had to check my heart. Would I do all this again if I could turn back time? I would not hesitate. I would do it in a heartbeat.
Besides that, I also found something else. I found different ones to lean on. I found people I could call big sisters and brothers. (I loved the big sisters because they were my heroes) Found friends I could laugh out loud with. Friends who had my back. Friends I could call... my new family. I also met the best man on the planet (that I know lah). Don't think too far, its just me okay, for now.
I surrender him to God. I really like him, and I think we can click really well, but I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. I just want him to know that I would be there if he needed me to be. There are things I love, there are things that I really dislike. But all in all, he is a good man, and I hope for the best for him, to infinity and beyond.
Don't worry, he won't get to read this because no one really knows about this little online diary of mine. ;)
All in all, I would do all of this again. :)
Be the change you want to see.
Monday, September 5, 2016
Hello. It's been a long time since I've visited you, dear blog. Hope everything is going well for you. *sweeps dust and spider webs*
So recently, I've been involved in a theatrical play in church. I didn't know why I signed up for it, but I told myself meh, let's try it.
The thing is, through this past 2 months, I've learnt much about pride. I had to learn to swallow my pride. Growing up, I've always thought that I could, you know, act.
Little did I know, I still have a long way to go. Throughout this journey of 2 months plus, I'm still trying to believe that I am that character that I was designated to be: A high-flying woman, who uses prada handbags and drives a Porsche. Lives in a mansion in Bukit Antarabangsa and has a Butler and ladies in waiting for me to take care of the household chores. At work, I am the one who determines whether you stay in your job or not. I know all the dirty secrets of each and every employee, right to the CEO of the company. If you want to get a promotion, I have a say for it. I am the chairman's right hand (wo)man, and I'm not inferior to any man. I am an alpha woman, who knows what I want and is confident and sassy beyond your wildest dreams.
I can describe her perfectly, but I'm not her. I'm working to become her. To embrace her.
I'm also in a journey of knowing who are the one's who love me the most. Those who truly care. I've met brothers and sisters who care and love genuinely, and a director whom I both revere and admire at the same time. I respect his passion, but I fear his wrath. Don't get me started on that.
Another part of this journey is discovering what I yearned for in a life partner. The men I thought were what I wanted... Was really not what I needed. The more I prayed and thought about it, the less sense it made. Besides the essential part of him needing to be a Christian and all, one of the things I really yearn for in a man is his ability to break things down for me, and encourage me even when he himself is in the pits of discouragement. This friend... Let's call him X. X has been a great friend for the longest time. Even before I came to Klang. But it was when I came to Klang that it became evident of how good a man he is. He went out of his way to look for a place for me but in the end I didn't go to any houses he helped me find. During one of the conferences this year, he packed food for dinner and offered me to eat the veggies in his pack. Then, we went to pack food together, and he took care of me all the way, keeping in mind of the fact that I was scared of being attacked by snatch thieves, and made me laugh along the way. And yesterday, during our run, in my down momenta, he helped me understand my character further. He shared with me how he overcame his stuttering problem, and he encouraged me to not give up. Shared the word of God with me, and when all the cast prayed for each other, he placed his hand on my shoulders as support.
Why was I so blind? But could he already have someone else in mind? How silly I was to go around talking about another guy when someone so good was already in front of me? But how can I be sure? Dear God, how?
It's still a long way to go. May this journey birth new friendships, and a beautiful relationship that I've always yearned for.
These are MY NONSENSICAL ASPIRATIONS! :D
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